Dreams

I keep having weird dreams. Like about my exes. And lovers that I’ve never met. Like exes from yyyeeeeeaaarrrsss ago that I will most likely never speak to or see ever again. And then the one that I must still love, or, more likely, since I am single and it appears that I will be that way for quite some time, that I need some kind of romantic outlet that is not being satisfied in my waking life.

See, I have major issues with self-esteem and body image. Being overweight, and female, well, I pretty much have zero value to most of modern society, and the men I DO attract, are usually bastards looking for a quick fuck whilst they dream of Emma Watson Look-a-likes, which given the chance, no matter how much they “love” me, would drop me on my ass in a heartbeat.

It fucking hurts. I’m not ugly. However, my finances are shitty and I live with my parents and have a crappy car. I barely make above minimum wage at my job, and lack the skills to get a better one. Ooooh baby, who’s gonna want that. Even with my less-than-desirable looks, I lack anything else that would bring me a good, loving relationship. I wouldn’t date a loser like me, why should I expect anyone else to?

I feel as if I was hot, none of that other stuff would matter. Or that if I had the other stuff, my looks wouldn’t matter. I have nothing to offer anyone. NOTHING.

It sucks,.

No wonder I’m always tossed aside, for either a literal or fantastical side chick.

Fuck it.